“I am offended by that comment.”
“I find that offensive.”
What is your gut-level reaction to the above comments?
A lot of people find the use of the O word to be, well, offensive.
In fact, some people find it so offensive, they can even lose sight of the original disagreement in order to focus on the other guy’s choice of words.
The O word has an interesting history. These days, we might assume that it is a mild-sounding way to express anger or disapproval, a way to show displeasure without going ballistic.
Sort of like saying, “I feel really angry when you do that.” In a totally calm and pleasant (and wimpy) tone of voice.
The O word originated from the Latin words for “strike at.”
So literally, “I am offended” is something like “He hit me!”
Which may be a valid choice of words. But usually when we are allegedly offended, we actually are mad as blazes and trying to be nice about it.
But that doesn’t work if you’re dealing with some people. Like the schoolyard bully.
Because a bully loves nothing better than to hit, and to know that it hurt. But bullies also love to ridicule their victims who say they feel offended, or “struck at.”
So maybe it’s time to abandon the O word. Time to stand up to the bully. Time to say we feel something a little stronger than struck at.
Something maybe like mad. Or furious. Or even one of several other descriptions that don’t usually appear in the newspaper.
We’ve been hearing a lot these days about the value of a person “saying what he thinks.”
So maybe it’s time for all of us to say what we think. And if we think someone has said something abusive, about anyone, maybe it’s time for us to say so.
Not because we’re offended or struck at, but because we’re mad as hornets.
After all, if honesty is really the best policy, it’s good for everybody.
Even the ones who feel struck at.
Julia Cochran is a licensed professional counselor in Rincon and a psychology instructor at Armstrong State University. She can be reached at 912-772-3072 or by email at JCochranPhD@GileadCounseling.com. Any opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Armstrong State University.