We hear a lot about bullying these days, thanks in part to professionals who have studied what goes into creating a bully and what might be done to prevent that from happening.
One thing these experts have discovered is that a bully typically gets support from a few admiring followers, more timid children who feel stronger and safer associating themselves with someone who seems tougher and braver than they are.
One bully might use physical intimidation, but there are others who engage in verbal or relational bullying. Verbal bullies say threatening or demeaning things to other children, while relational bullies set up situations to cause another child to be socially isolated.
We usually think of bullying in the context of the school years, but some bullies never grow out of it. Sometimes, a physical bully will grow up to be physically abusive. And a verbal or emotional bully may grow up to become abusive in nonphysical ways. Some bullies grow up to do both.
And some grow up to be politicians.
Disclaimer: Just as most children are not bullies, most politicians aren’t either. But we’re not talking about the nice guys here.
Did you ever see the old Bugs Bunny cartoon in which the wascally wabbit was twying… I mean trying… to get safe passage between two armies during an old-fashioned gunpoint battle? Bugs got the clever idea of sewing the flags of both armies together, one flag on one side and one on the other. And as he strolled between the two lines of combatants, everyone on both sides cheered.
Now, I’m going to do the Bugs Bunny thing and get the faithful on both sides mad, because I see political bullies all over the place.
There are two kinds of verbal bullying I see over and over again as I watch the current presidential debates.
The first variety is what might be called “Because I Say So.”
“Because I Say So” isn’t always a bad thing. But occasionally, when a parent needs a little one to obey quickly, for their own safety, there’s no better remedy than “because I say so.”
When my 3-year-old niece didn’t want to stay in her car seat, for example, her mom replied, “I’m the mommy, and mommies know these things.”
But when politicians try to be mommy or daddy to grown-up voters, it starts sounding more like bullying. That’s the kind of argument I’m hearing a lot of these days.
It follows this pattern:
The speaker states an opinion. The speaker says, “It’s the truth!”
The speaker restates the opinion, with more emphasis. That’s it.
The speaker has provided no evidence to support the opinion. But the entire performance is delivered in such a strong and confident voice, we tend to think the speaker must be big and strong and can protect us. As long as we agree with him.
And then there’s the “Verbal Potshot” bully.
Unlike “Because I Say So,” verbal potshots have no redeeming value, even when it comes to keeping a kid in a car seat.
Ever been in an argument with a partner who would throw little hooks into the conversation, hoping you would bite and get drawn deeper into the argument? That’s a verbal potshot.
For example, you say you don’t think it’s a good idea to buy a new couch.
The potshotter replies, “That’s not what you said last week.”
If you ignore the comment, the potshotter wins. But if you try to address the comment, the potshotter wins anyway. Because no bully is going to make a potshot unless they’re pretty sure it’s a no-lose proposition.
Julia Cochran is a licensed professional counselor in Rincon and a psychology instructor at Armstrong State University. She can be reached at 912-772-3072 or by email at JCochranPhD@GileadCounseling.com. Any opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Armstrong State University.